I was quite perplexed since I met Arshia. Time passed
with the ideas that what Arshia might be thinking about me. Sometimes, to keep
her promises she visited me and some times she ignored all promises. The reason
of such acts is not known to me. Killing my desires and snapping my dreams
became her habit. Her presence is the greatest test of my patience than her
absence because she has grudge against voice and enmity with the words.
Normally people would think as to why I keep contact with her or long to keep
contact. But if you have a little sense of sentiments then I must tell you that
we can fall in love with those who don’t speak and they are like ocean in their
silence. I have been assigned the work to swim and find out the secret of herself.
She incidentally met me with my cousin Sania. At first sight I decided that
this is the face upon which there writ the possibility of prosperity of love. I
gave her my mobile phone no. in utter restlessness. The examinations of Sania
and Arshia were near. Sania had to come to me next day to collect some notes. When they were about to
depart very carefully I asked her to come with Sania but she plainly refused to
do so and told me that she could come only when exams are over. She had never
refused the proposal. She transferred a series of hope to my thought realm.
Time passed. It is the most merciful act of time that it never stays whether
bad or good. I was not sure whether she would use the mobile number I gave. She
did not use it- Not at all. I had nothing with me as she had told me that she
does not keep mobile phone. Whether she kept it or not, hardly made any
difference. I would have never imposed my self on anyone. I asked her well
being from Sania and I could know that she had given a hint to come at her
convenience. It watered the dry harvest and that was all.
As soon as their exams were over the
test of my patience started. She turned up to meet with grim silence surely
reflect her introvert nature. Careful mirth looked delightful. I could get reply
of my questions with great difficulty but her eyes showed the bases on which
great forts of love can be built. Above all her positive smile contains the
wine of ‘yes’ in abundance. That smile which contains all seven colours of
rainbow. The colours flash their shade but they have chosen to protect them by
collectively becoming white where it is hard to find any colour separately.
They come out of this abode and again become invisible. The idea which baffled
me was what she is ? and she was not willing to impart this secret. Her face manifests that there is a habitation
of plenty of thoughts but her lips revolt in a way that they vehemently press
themselves till they crush the thoughts which fall on them. Tearing of collar
in frenzy of love has become rare and counting stars in sleeplessness has been disappeared
from the scheme of life in this age of corporate attitude and dominance of use
of computer. I have also downloaded her in me but fear of computer virus which
may spoil the record file is always there in me. To protect I developed an anti
virus substance in commitment to talk and continue one sided conversation.
Awareness of human psychology has become guiding force to me. All was pleasant
or I was taking it as pleasant matters not. She came with shortest possible
software of answers. Yes we would fix the time for next meeting and which
usually was of a week after. Often she decided against her own promise and I
had no option but to accept. Thereafter apology on phone had been a regular
feature. I never raised voice of protest for I knew that what she said was
nothing but a white lie. Why she shuns visits was not a big question for me
because reason is crystal clear in me which I will not disclose to the reader
of story just now. Fortify self, changing moods, upper hands of ego, unripe
awareness about her person and so on.
It was a pricking hot day. In order
to find solace we settled in a cafe. A few couples were engrossed in midsummer
madness. Usual it has become now here in Lucknow. I read in newspapers that
there are complaints that the city has no parks like Mumbai where such
passionate tender moments can be spent and where passers by without any sense
of modesty may see or deny sight which writes gradually tale of fire with the
transparent fluid of emotions. We had also released our eyes free. When just by
the way I intended to comment upon the situation, she smiled and kept mum.
Power had gone off with the help of U.P.S. system was turned off.
Sania used to thrash her at the
habit of breaking promises. Among her mates she normally spoke. That silence
which prevailed when she was with me never remained while she was in friend
circle. She would tell the reasons of the break of promise. Ostensible excuses-
utter lame excuses. She had a very sophisticated weapon of apology and she was
absolutely aware of the appropriate accession to use it. Anyway we met again
and departed with no result whatsoever. The future was hidden in its shell.
Hope was visible and nothing else. I was made aware by Sania that she liked my
poetry and my thoughts. She did not bother to turn up on Saturday. In sheer
negative vibrations her voice could tell that she has no care for me. Disbelief
in me found work of brooding on my misfortune.
On that very day my cousin brought
another common friend Kashifa who was a student of literature. She wanted some
guidance from me. Keat’s love for Fanny Brown, and Shalley’s love for merry
Godwin run like current in their poetries. Kashifa had chosen the subject for
her dissertation. She remained with me for more than two hours. Sania also
accompanied us.
There was nothing especial as to
whether the details of meeting would be told to Arshia or not I did not mention
anything about it. But Saniya and Kashifa met her that day while returning from
my place.
Next day she was supposed to come
but she did not. While on phone in commotion I said. ‘We won’t meet any more
now’. ‘Ok’ was her careless and perhaps callous reply.
The readers or the listeners of the
story might repent thinking it as the insipid climax of the story. But nay
something is left. I heard that Sania had scoffed her on what she had done but
she was not at all inclined to ask pardon. Instead ignoring Sania, she left the
place with another friend Taliba.
I went to attend the birthday of
Sania at her place. I was chatting with my cousin brothers in party. Almost all
friends of Sania gathered there but Arshia. All at once I heard the voice of
Taliba- ‘Arshia has gone mad I suppose’- She was talking about a character of a
film but instead of the name of the character she took my name’ and
suddenly my attention was diverted in
awe. That was my name for sure. Taliba further described- Arshia disclosed to
me that this name has become a part of her being and she is helpless----
Hearing this I came out of the room
and with the help of my sensibility I decided that I will stop all affairs here
only. I will not proceed any more.
But when I raised my eyes an idea
struck to me that this is the fourteenth lunar night. The stars winking like vivacious
eyes and waiting for the accomplishment of the beauty, which would be appearing
soon hereafter.
Suhail Kakorvi
Lucknow
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